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# The Jerks
## Restaurant Reviews
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#### The Hamilton - Washington DC
Expensive but good. I had the fried blue catfish with jalapeno hush puppies and fries which was $18. Staff was very nice and the bartenders seemed to be having fun. 8/10
#### Betsy Ross Pizza - Dover, Delaware
Nice venue, plenty of windows. Service was very nice. I split a large pizza with salami and beef; the pizza was very cheesy and had a nice crust. However, ultimately it was your run-of-the-mill pizza place. 7/10
#### Chopt - Washington DC
I forgot to write down something for this restaurant, but I'm pretty sure I liked it. ?/10
#### Jethro's - Ames, Iowa
My absolute favorite barbecue place of all time. I like going with my wife and splitting the Iowa Platter, around $25 but I always take a to-go box so it's definitely worth the money. Whatever I get, I usually dump Jethro's Hot Barbecue and Jethro's Carolina Barbecue sauce on it. The atmosphere is nice and there are screens for sports everywhere. I am told Jethro's burnt-ends are amazing, but I think those are only sold at the Des Moines location. If you're up to it, take the Emmenecker challenge for a potential hard-earned free meal; I believe this place got its fifteen minutes minutes of fame for featuring this challenge on Man vs. Food. Iowa State students generally prefer the competing barbecue place in town, Hickory Park, but I swear by Jethro's. 10/10
#### Pizza Pit - Ames, Iowa
My favorite pizza place in Ames. I usually go with a couple of friends and get 12 inferno wings, a 16'' chicken bacon ranch pizza, and a pitcher of Samuel Adams. All in all, around $35 to $40. The pizza isn't the greatest, but it is quite cheap and definitely good enough for me at least. Atmosphere is nice and before covid, they had an awesome arcade machine. It shares a building with Welch Ave. Station, one of the more popular bars in Ames. The two venues have a symbiotic relationship where you can drink downstairs at Welch Ave. and Pizza Pit (upstairs) will run your pizza down. Beware of the bathroom. 9/10
#### Jeff's Pizza - Ames, Iowa
My second-favorite pizza place in Ames. Not really popular among Iowa State students (it's construed as a Freshman-only place as far as I can tell), but it does have the best crust I've ever tasted on a pizza. The venue looks run-down and there are only 2 screens for sports. I usually split a philly cheese steak pizza with someone else for around $25 total. 7/10
#### Blue Owl Bar - Ames, Iowa
My favorite bar in Ames. Over the summer, I always try to make trivia night. There are two pool tables which are actually accessible before 9:00 pm which is when the main crowd usually comes rolling in. I've had many a debate and met many an interesting person on the front porch area. The bathroom is disgusting and I've had many people walk in and piss in the sink when I've been pissing out my alcohol. 7/10
#### Fong's Pizza - Cedar Rapids, Iowa
The most interesting pizza place I have ever visited. This restaurant serves pizza with Chinese-style toppings. I had their famous Crab Rangoon pizza, which put me back $22 for a 20'', a stellar price for specialty pizza. 10/10
#### Spaghetti Works - Des Moines, Iowa
One thing I never understood about white people is their obsession with spaghetti. Boil some noodles, dump some cheap Walmart red sauce on it, and call it a meal. It never filled me up, and it didn't strike me as a great meal that I would go out of my way to eat, especially when Italian cuisine has so much more to offer like literally anything involving alfredo sauce. Nonetheless, I decided that I could not have an educated opinion on spaghetti until I got it from a gourmet spaghetti restaurant. I visited this restaurant with my wife on a beautiful evening and chose the outdoor patio seating. The scenery greatly enhanced my experience, as the restaurant is situated in the Court Avenue District in Des Moines' downtown, a street full of restaurants, bars, and pubs and ultimately capped off by the Polk County courthouse; this neighborhood is situated just right that golden hour in the summer is the comfiest experience ever here. Despite my aversion to any remotely large city, the idea of eating at a place like this regularly made me much more sympathetic to the idea of city-living. I ordered the Spaghetti & Meatballs off the "Classics" section on the menu which cost $12.99, more than a fair price for what I got especially when it comes with a trip to the salad bar and garlic bread. The meatballs were delicious, but while the red sauce was better than any red sauce I had before, it still failed to impress me as a dish. I especially enjoyed the chunks of tomato left in the sauce which give the it a very meaty texture, but the flavor overall was still quite plain. This is obviously the "vanilla" dish, and I'm sure when I return in the future and get something a bit more complex I will certainly like it better. The white people who inexplicably love spaghetti will love this place. 5/10
#### Dublin Bay - Ames, Iowa
A commonly known fact about me is that I do not like food from the British Isles at all. There's the old joke about how the British empire had to subjugate India because British food was so boring (don't worry, I'm 100% Indian so I'm allowed to make this joke), and all my prior experience with British Isles food corroborates this joke. That said, I've never had Irish food before. I don't know if their nationalism bleeds into their food but this experience was a complete departure from my prior experience with British food. I ordered the O'Brien's Stew for $14.50 and was greeted with the most inviting, savory stew I've ever experienced (although I thought the price was a bit high for what it was). Before this, I only ever had lamb in curry form but lamb found a perfect home in this stew. I chose the outdoor seating on a brisk spring evening which was the perfect complement to the warm stew. However, there are no great views to be found here, just the neighboring Staples store. Being an Irish pub, it has all the standard Irish imports if that's your thing. 8/10
#### Americana - Des Moines, Iowa
This is a formal restaurant in the trendy part of Des Moines. It stands as an appreciation of American culture, hence the name; however, I take issue with it as "Americana" to me has always been a populist name, a fitting name for a restaurant of the common man. I certainly liked the decorations inside. I ordered the $40 prime rib (available only on Fridays and Saturdays if I recall correctly) and my wife ordered the $20 truffled mac & cheese. The prime rib was good, but I got absolutely nothing out of my sampling of the truffled mac & cheese; it tasted really plain to me. The restaurant has a nice view of the Western Gateway Park in Des Moines, which is a nice place to walk after dinner. All in all, it was too expensive for what I got. 4/10
This is a German-themed bar which is rather famous in the city of Des Moines. It is a favorite hangout of the Iowa State Airsoft Club of which I was briefly a member a while back. The first step in, I was hit with a smorgasbord of German culture. There were various German brewery posters on the walls and Bundesliga teams referenced all over the place. These are my favorite kind of bars, the ones that fill the interior to the brim with decorations. Nothing dismays me more than the sleek, minimalistic bars the likes of which you would see at the end of Bar Rescue. The tables are huge presumably to facilitate different groups of people sitting together, but I visited this during Covid so that obviously wasn't happening. While there, I ordered the giant Bavarian pretzel and jägerschnitzel and washed all that down with a pint of Paulaner Münchner Lager for a total of around $40. The pretzel was soft and chewy, probably among the best I've had; the beer cheese dip that came with it was excellent too. The jägerschnitzel was equally as delightful, being pretty much everything I've ever wanted out of a jägerschnitzel. Outdoor seating was available, but it was packed when we went so we opted for indoor seating. It is a tradition to play the drinking game involving passing a boot of beer with your group, but it was just my wife and I and I had to drive so there was no way I could drink half a boot. All in all, great food, great venue, and great prices. 10/10
#### Clouds Cafe - Ames, Iowa
This is (in all honesty) a very pretentious "European-style" cafe located on the 7th floor of Legacy tower, one of the nicest apartments in Ames. It affords a gorgeous view of the Iowa State campus. The chairs inside are very luxurious, and I could certainly sink into one for an entire afternoon while sipping a coffee. I had the flammenkuchen with an iced coffee for a total of around $15, both of which I did not especially enjoy. The prices are similar to Starbucks, but by dining at Clouds you can support a local business instead of a oversized mediocre coffee chain. There are also wine-tastings hosted some nights, but I never attended those. 6/10 (mostly for the view)
#### Pies and Pints - Charleston, West Virginia
This restaurant is nestled in downtown Charleston, West Virginia. Unfortunately, as we were just passing through I could only enjoy the pies and not the pints. I ordered the steak & mushroom pie for around $25 and shared it with my wife. and it was about what I expected. The crust wasn't especially good, but the rest of the pizza was fine. Indoor seating was a bit cramped, but the outdoor seating provided a nice view of downtown Charleston. All in all, it is about your standard pizza place. 5/10
#### Angus Barn - Raleigh, North Carolina
I was recommended this restaurant on the pretense that it was a restaurant. What I got instead was a highly exclusive social club which caused me to rescale my entire review system, as several 9s and 10s I gave out meant nothing in the face of this venue. First of all, upon entering you enter a foyer of sorts where you wait to be seated, featuring a full service bar and a waiter who hands out free cheese and crackers. As I am not a rich man, I did not have the money to waste on alcohol prior to the meal so I just enjoyed the cheese and crackers. When we were finally seated, on the way to the table we passed by a humidor which I thought was just a decoration. It turns out after the meal there is a whole outdoor area and indoor area dedicated to smoking cigars in the ultimate comfort. I ordered the beef ribs with stuffed potatoes, while my wife ordered prime rib with mashed potatoes. I got a heavenly French onion soup with my meal, while my wife got a massive salad with hers. While we were waiting, we were served more cheese and crackers which was very welcome indeed as we were both starving. When our food arrived, I was a little shocked (in a good way) at the amount of food we were given. Indeed, my beef ribs lasted about 3 subsequent meals for reference. I had some brew from Asheville, NC with my meal while my wife had a $12 glass of wine that tasted exactly like a mocktail (which is a good thing, especially since we are conditioned to the absolute worst of the worst $5 wine). All in all, our bill came out to around $145 including tip. However, the meal was just the beginning. Our waiter offered us a tour of the place, and our minds were blown. First off, most of the waiters there are trained sommeliers and the restaurant actually has a school inside it where their waiters can get their sommelier certifications. Next, the head chef (who unfortunately doesn't work there much anymore) won Iron Chef America back in 2006. In some competition (I forgot which exactly), this restaurant's wine cellar actually ranked in the top 10 of the world for best wine cellar. The waiter's tour took us through the wine cellar, and we saw some very expensive bottles of wine ranging in the $10000-$20000 range. Along the way, the waiter regaled us with a tale of a man who paid $120 for a shot of a whiskey dating back to the 1800s a while back. We explored the aforementioned smoking rooms and ventured downstairs into the private dining rooms for events, which come with their own full service bars and waiters. We concluded our tour with a visit to the Wild Turkey lounge, featuring a large collection of clay turkeys. We left full, content, and with the knowledge that we could not afford to go there again any time soon. 10/10
My husband and I usually go here after an especially tough shift at the hospital. The food is perfect for the pick me up you need after a long day at work. I love to get the California burrito deep fried in cheese sauce and my husband usually gets 3 tacos-the taco of the month and two diablo tacos. We also usually order drinks. Their manganado margarita is amazing and my husband enjoys their beer selection. We usually spend around $50 for our entire spread. The atmosphere is your standard Mexican restaurant but if it aint broke don't fix it! All in all I would recommend this to anyone looking to get a good dinner on the cheap side in the triangle area! I even took my parents here on a recent visit from them. As a side note, anywhere with their own parking is pretty great too. 10/10
This year I had to work the day before, the day of, and the day after Valentines day at the hospital so my husband and I decided to try this restaurant out the Friday before. We had been recommended this place as a good place for a date night. In order to join the waitlist they ask that you download their app and join the waitlist. It provided an approximate time for when your table will be ready. (This is a helpful feature as they can have upwards of a two hour wait time.) We were seated almost immediately when we got there. Our table was right by their large fish tank which was both a blessing and a curse. There were kids surrounding it throughout our meal which while cute to watch their enthusiasm about fish also made it hard to have a deep conversation. I ordered and espresso martini and burger and my husband ordered their featured bento box and the itty bitty teensy weeny martini. Our food was your standard American meets Japanese fare. We also got a lot of food for our money. Overall we spent around $150 for drinks and our meal. One nice thing the waitress did was bring us out a free dessert that was very very good. This is a family friendly good for celebrating an event restaurant. My one complaint is the lack of parking surrounding the restaurant. I have noticed in the city it can be hard to park close and you need to factor that in to when you arrive at the restaurant. I cannot wait for my brother to be in town so that we can take an entire party there for my husband's next birthday. 9/10
Happy birthday to me! My husband took me out here for my birthday per a recommendation from some acquaintances at church. After spending the entire day shopping we headed here for dinner. Luckily my birthday was on a Sunday this year so there wasn't't too long of a wait; just long enough to walk around the nearby Target. Once we were seated we were directed to create an account and upload our credit card information and start ordering. You ordered one thing at a time through this account and then when you were done you closed it out and paid through your phone. Our food was brought to the table by different members of the staff each for each item we ordered. The restaurant also told us they pride themselves on paying their staff a livable wage for Raleigh. (Side note that livable wages will look different based on your location. Now to rant about the negatives of my experience. There is no physical menu, and they do not accept cash. I think it is an unfair assumption that all patrons will both have access to a smart phone and understand how to order/pay. Not mention they then add on a tip your server with the minimum being 20% when you did not even have a server in the first place. (Livable wage???) The food was alright and the drinks were okay. They mainly serve street tacos so they were on the small side. Order more if you have growing boys in your party. The atmosphere was instragrammable with hanging baskets around the light features and warm lighting, but overall it left much to be desired. Not to mention the lack of parking meant walking quite a way to even get to the door. I will not be returning to this restaurant any time soon. 3/10
Apparently millennials have a thing for microbreweries and as a zillenial I feel it is important to keep this alive. Trophy is the best place to go and drink a beer and play a game if you go to their tap room or eat a pizza if you are at their restaurant. The beer is much better out of the tap than a can with my personal favorite being the Milky Way. While at their brewery I love to play games with my husband or my brother when he is in town. It is the perfect vibe to chill out and rewind after a long day with the low lighting and swanky music. You cannot go wrong with any of their pizza choices and they have something for every diet. This is a place that everyone should visit when in Raleigh. 10/10
This is a nice restaurant on Church Street in San Francisco, about 2 miles from the Bay. The first thing I noticed walking in is it's a very *thin* restaurant, not very open concept. It has some seating at the front and a bar in the back, where they serve all the standard brunch drinks like mimosas and also specialty coffee. The prices were very reasonable for San Francisco (emphasis on "for San Francisco"), my Godfather (Italian) omelet was $18.95 and is the best Italian omelet I've ever had. It had just the right amount of cheese, and I have no idea what they did to the sausage but it was delicious. My wife got the Eggs Benedict ($17.95) and that was delicious as well. To drink, we got an iced Latte and a Cappuccino, both of which were $5.50 but nothing special in my opinion. From the outside, it's nothing to talk about but the only thing that matters for a restaurant is on the inside. I will definitely visit this restaurant again, but due to the limited seating I would not come any time from 9:00-1:00. 7/10
This is a historic art-deco diner-turned-coffee shop a stones throw away from the entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge. Consequently, it features a beautiful view of the San Francisco Bay due to its windowed circular construction. They technically serve food, but we just got an americano and an iced latte, both of which were nothing to write home about. Apparently a favorite local roaster set up shop in there but all coffee (especially americano) tastes the same to me so that isn't really an imporant consideration. What astonished me were the prices, my americano was $3.00 and my wife's latte was $4.25 which is about the price of Starbucks (which is incidentally about a mile away, but you'd have to be an idiot to go there instead of here). Beautiful views and cheap coffee right on the Golden Gate Bridge. 10/10.
